The Colby Echo

Issue date: 3/9/07 Section: Arts & Entertainment

This week I decided to forgo beer, since Charlie Wilson '07 was getting fat and I wanted to help him get in shape for Spring Break. Thus, we decided to sample some wines instead. I can't drive, so I couldn't make an alcohol run, and Charlie was too immersed in Final Fantasy XII (apparently fighting little angry cacti is very engrossing). Instead, we stole a bottle of "Blue Christmas Elvis" (hereafter referred to as Elvis) Cabernet Sauvignon from a Dana 5-man and Caitlin Gallagher '07 brought us a "delightful" bottle of Yellow Tail Shiraz, since she is obsessed with kangaroo sex.

I enlisted Bridge Mellichamp '07 to review the wines as well. We began with the Elvis wine because, well, Elvis was on the bottle. Charlie sampled first and thought that it was too sweet and that there was a faint metallic taste like "chewing on pennies." Caitlin thought it was far too dry and I found it light and boring. Bridge, always the classy one, read the label and attempted to learn what flavors were supposed to be in the wine, but the label only talked about how wonderful Christmas is. In the end Bridge decided that the wine was "definitely not the best season of the year."

We then moved to the Yellow Tail. Upon seeing the next wine, Charlie quipped, "what crack head bought that?" Caitlin became quite sad that her wine met with such rejection and managed to break the cork screw with the screw part stuck in the cork, all without opening the bottle-never a good omen. After finally opening the wine, we poured out nicely sized glasses. Charlie again sampled first and with a look of disgust on his face said "it is slightly better than drinking urine, but only because it's alcoholic." Bridge agreed, saying that "you can get a lot more for 10 dollars." (It was actually a magnum bottle that cost $13.99, so a very good price.) I thought it just tasted like generic wine, if one exists. Caitlin really loved it, but then she is not a connoisseur like Charlie or me. Charlie hated the Yellow Tail so much that he began watching DVRed Jeopardy episodes from 2 weeks ago just to finish the wine.

I managed to get Charlie over Alex Trebek long enough to vote. It was 3-1 in favor of Elvis, with Caitlin the lone dissenter. None of us were especially pleased with either wine and Bridge summed it up saying "if you're a girl that doesn't like red wine, drink Elvis."

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