The Colby Echo

Issue date: 3/2/07 Section: Sports

In honor of last Sunday's Oscars, I decided to hand out a few of my own awards in honor of some of the greatest moments in the sports world that have occurred in the recent past.

In honor of my column, they'll be known as the Ramblys, and since its extremely unlikely that someone will pay me to write sports columns when I move out into the real world next year, I bring you the first (and last) Rambly awards. Some of the categories were inspired by the real-life Oscars, other by my own thoughts, so take them for what they are: absolutely meaningless.

Best Original Score: Tom Brady. Bridget Moynahan and Gisele in the space of a couple of months? Sheer brilliance.

Best Use of a Prop: Adam "Pacman" Jones, hefty bag. For the few of you out there who haven't heard this story already, Jones (a Cornerback for the Tennessee Titans) walked into a strip club with $81,000 in cash in a trash bag and dumped it on a couple of strippers in order to "make it rain." Unfortunately, Mr. Jones neglected to anticipate that the most likely outcome of dumping that much money onstage in a crowded strip club would be total anarchy. Three people were shot in the ensuing chaos as Mr. Jones attempted to pull a stripper away from the money by her hair in order to get his cash back.

Best Actor: Shared between Barry Bonds and Barry Zito for pretending they actually like each other. Both ballplayers showed up at spring training wearing shirts that read "Don't ask me....ask Barry" with arrows pointing sideways like the "I'm with stupid shirts." It's nice that these two are joking around like old buddies, but I'd like to look into the future to see how this friendship is going in July when Zito is being paid 18 million a season to pitch like a third starter and Bonds is playing twice a week because of his bad knees as the Giants sit 20 games out of first. And no, I'm not bitter that yet another player from my favorite sports team (the Oakland A's) left because a richer club vastly overpaid for their services.

Best Picture: The Oscar for Best Picture is usually given to an immensely overrated and overhyped film (though this year they got it right), so I'd like to give my Rambly for most overrated player to Daisuke Matsuzuka. He hasn't even thrown a pitch in the big leagues yet and most Red Sox fans are already acting like he's baseball versions of Larry Bird (known as the Basketball Jesus). Odds are he'll be a decent pitcher that ends up finishing the year at something like 12-9 with a 4.20 ERA, but he's not going to win the Cy Young, and he's certainly not going to lead an overrated Red Sox team with a starting middle infield of Julio Lugo and Dustin Pedroia (not to mention no real closer) to the World Series.

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