The Colby Echo

Issue date: 2/16/07 Section: Arts & Entertainment

Bits and Moss carried on the fight for several more minutes, unable to bring the experiment to a head. Suddenly, without warning, Bits' hitherto impressive-albeit unevenly ballasted-data began to sink. "I can't hold it!" he cried, reiterating one of the stipulations of our experiment. The last bottle of ale had evidently rotted through his hull. Taking on water, Bits started the pumps, then retired to his cabin. Moss then commandeered the head for a cold shower, pleased to believe that we had straightened out the situation. No more the besotted Lysanders of the world need disappoint apparently fair Cloris. We know "what envious gods conspire / To snatch his power, yet leave him the desire!"

In nomine Scientia, we are pleased to deliver this impo'tant message to the public: many problems may arise from drinking to excess, but man's greatest problem will not. We've worked hard, coaxed out some good data, and weathered some savage seas. Truth is worth any sacrifice, but we shall be pleased never to sail these straits again. For my own part, I awoke in the wee hours, prone, an inch above the couch. No permanent damage sustained.

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